Coming Soon: DIY Planner, The Movie!

DIY Planner The Movie
Greetings all, Steve here again, with some very exciting news. They’ve decided to make into a movie. Really! It’s looks quite exciting. I’ve just seen a working copy of the script, which came directly from the Studio Committee Of Intelligent People Making Stupid Decisions In Groups About Movies. You’ve seen their work before. Still, I’m optimistic, as it seems like a good idea.

Now, of course, websites don’t automatically translate well to film. For one thing, films tend to be much louder than websites and to contain more gratuitous nudity. Well, more than this website anyway.

But there will be no nudity in this movie. They’ve decided to adapt into a Spy movie. As I understand it, it’s a World War II drama about a bunch of code breakers working on enemy signals by organizing all their decoding work in their planners which they have, wait for it… done themselves. It’s a Do It Yourself spy movie. That’s what it is. Do it yourself spying. DIY Spy.

Interestingly, the idea came from Doug Johnston, spy master around these parts. Doug doesn't usually say very much and he goes to great pains to make sure that his image never appears on this website, being rather covert about the whole thing. I’m not sure why. I’ve seen Doug, many times, and he just looks like a normal guy to me, though he insists he's not photogenic. I realize that as a heterosexual male, I’m not ideally qualified to judge the relative handsomeness of men on film, but I don't see any problem. Doug insists no one should see his image and keeps all of his pictures under wraps as if he were the Elephant Man. Seems like overkill to me and it also seems suspicious, as if he has something to hide.

Add the fact that nobody knows what he looks like to the fact that Doug doesn’t say very much and you’ve got the makings of a good spy. The filmmakers have adapted this concept to the screen, as can be seen from the following excerpt from the script:

Slow Fade In. Interior, dark, indeterminate time of day. Doug sits on a metal chair in the center of the room, while a hanging light swings back and forth for no apparent reason. Room is filled with smoke like a BBQ just exploded.

Non-Specifically Creepy German Intelligence Officer #1: "Vee have vays of making you talk."

Doug: “…”

Non-Specifically Creepy German Intelligence Officer #2, stepping into the light: "Actually… maybe vee don’t."

Doug, wryly: "…"

German Officer #1: "Who ze hell is zis guy?!"

German Officer #2: "I don't know… but he's very organized." Thoughtfully lights cigarette and steps back out of the light.

Doug: "."

Anyway, this was the thought process of the people at the studio and they've developed a whole script out of it. I told Doug about the DIYPlanner Spy movie script and he was overwhelmed with emotion. Well, to be more specific, he groaned dramatically and said, "God help us all." He's a very emotional guy.

But being emotional won't get you anywhere in the film business and that's where we're going now. Let me give you a run-down of some of the specifics of the film. It takes place in that bleak week from December 3 to December 10, 1940, set in three main locations: A tiny, tightly-knit fishing village on the North-West coast of Ireland, because the audience can relate the characters; Paris, because it looks good on film; and OberAmaSachsenLeipsenTauberGroßenSchnitzelGutenHimmelBerg, Germany, because it's in Germany. Doug's character, the tough under-cover operative, is going to be played by Antonio Banderas, the mysterious, cool-as-ice allied spy with the foreign, but totally inappropriate, accent. Innowen will be played by Janeane Garofalo, as the quick-thinking code breaker out to break the intelligence service's gender barrier. Sardonios will be played by Patrick Stewart as the British Spymaster, torn between his loyalty for his country and his need to never betray the slightest hint of emotion. Eric will be played by Doogie Howser, Neil Patrick Harris as the code-breaking computer tech guy, constantly trying to keep the computer running, which is the size of a football field. And Sara will be played by Renée Zellweger, as the undercover French operative who teaches them all how to love again. I'll be played by Adam Sandler, as the narrator.

So that's what's happening with The Movie. We're all really excited about it here and we hope you are too. So, until next time, keep your pen on the page, echo bravo tango.

Steve Sharam

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Just for the record, I have

Just for the record, I have absolutely no problem with being married to Antonio Banderas on screen, but won't ask who will play his wife.

The truth of the matter is that Doug is one of those guys who only gets better looking the longer you know him, which is not always the case with pretty boys.

all the best, jp.


I've always said...

I've always said, Doug's brains are matched only by his musky odour and big feet:) That sounded better in my head...

Pyramidiology: What you get when you mix pyramids and idiots.

Steve Sharam

Nothing for me here...

Marty Feldman has, sadly, passed away and is not available to play me. The next best possibility that comes to mind would be Larry Drake tryting to do a Charles Laughton.
"I think the surest sign that there is intelligent life out there in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." (Calvin and Hobbes/Bill Waterson)

That could work

Or maybe Adam Sandler trying to do William Shatner. I'll see what their agents say:P

Pyramidiology: What you get when you mix pyramids and idiots.

Steve Sharam


So i hadnt read this ... until now! lol I <3 Steve!

I think I may have distant relatives in OberAmaSachsenLeipsenTauberGroßenSchnitzelGutenHimmelBerg, Germany. what a coinkidink!

my artwork | my blog

Everybody's from somewhere

I thought I'd be flooded with comments from people from OberAmaSachsenLeipsenTauberGroßenSchnitzelGutenHimmelBerg, but nothing. Apparently not a talkative bunch.

Pyramidiology: What you get when you mix pyramids and idiots.

Steve Sharam


My family on my mothers side is German, but dont talk about it much. I think I see why now...
I never finish anyth


Yeah, German requires strong lungs:P

Pyramidiology: What you get when you mix pyramids and idiots.

Steve Sharam