The Connection Of Douglas J.

Prospecting For Gold
Greetings gentle reader, Steve here. This week finds me recounting a tale of horror and survival, as one Douglas J. was stranded in the high Arctic without a functional computer. As I thought about how to retell the tale, I thought of a story of a similar conundrum, a tale of tragedy and insanity in the far North. Read what follows, gentle reader, and think of poor Douglas J. the next time you switch on your internet connection.

The Connection Of Douglas J.

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who mine for bytes
One I know lives in Yellowknife and wears his ultra-warm tights.
Cold up North tis and
When with computers your business is,
Little sunlight do you see.
The Northern Internet Providers have received queer calls
But the queerest they ever did receive
Was that night halfway to the internet gateway
When they connected Douglas J.

Now Douglas, I hear, was from Carbonear, my dear
Why he left his home in the East
And made a b-line for the tree-line, God only knows
But all through the Winter he walked around like a Zombie
And he'd often say, "I can't believe its -43!"

Yes its cold outside and your brain gets fried
Without a high-speed internet connect
Yes, Douglas J., without a computer, let's say
His sanity was about to reject.
To his co-workers he'd parler
All night and all day
Of his connection back in Carbonear.

The end of our tale sees a computer in the mail
To poor Douglas delivered
He turned on his Wang and was met by
Emails about his yang.
And he called his ISP and said,
"I'm swamped, you see. Please close that port,
For it's not secure in here and I greatly fear
That you'll let in the spam and porn
And since I left Carbonear,
On the East Cast, my dear,
Tis the first time I've been online!"

Steve Sharam
For more tails of rejected sanity, visit my blog:

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The Google-Fiend...

I look at no one, me;
I pass them on the stair;
Shadows! I don't see;
Shadows! everywhere.
Haunting, taunting, staring, glaring,
Shadows! I don't care.
Once my room I gain
Then my life begins.
Shut the door on real life;
How the Devil grins!
Grin with might and main;
Grin and grin in vain;
Here's where Heav'n begins:
Paper Pr0n! Paper Pr0n!

Good stuff

Between us we'll bring some culture this thing yet my friend:P

Steve Sharam