DIY Planner - Why Won't Anyone Hire Me?! - Comments

What kind of work does your wife do ?

ygor — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 13:31:45 -0500

Maybe something that lends itself to night shift ?
-----------------------------------
"I think the surest sign that there is intelligent life out there in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." (Calvin and Hobbes/Bill Waterson)

You said it. A while ago now, but you still said it.

Anonymous — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 09:24:06 -0500

I found your site through some frustrated, desperate web search terms. The Google equivalent of looking straight up with your arms spread out and shouting "Why!!!"
It's 2009. I'm married, and I have a good-ish job. Actually, the job itself is pretty darned good. The pay is livable, the hours are overnight so you don't have to deal with traffic or any of that crap, and you get to do stuff in the middle of the day when all the other suckers are in their cubicles. But, as I said, I'm married, and being married and working this kind of shift sucks so much. My wife and I never get to spend time together. Each of us sleeps alone most of the week--me during the day while she's at work, and she during the night like most of the rest of the world. It's a lonely existence. So I've started looking for something else, and the search is really, really starting to get to me.
I'm not a resume machine by any means. I'm not out there pounding doors every day looking for a job. I am more casual in my hunt, using Careerbuilder and Monster as my weapons of choice. But it's still depressing and infuriating.
I can't decide what I hate more: the fact that every job requires some sort of degree, experience, skill, license, or religious affiliation that I don't have and have no hope of getting at this point, or that every stinking job description is so cryptic that it makes me want to smash my head through the computer screen and see if that helps anything. Hey, if nothing else maybe I can ask the EMT's if they're hiring.
Basically, I'm 27 years old, got a pretty much useless degree (film studies--in the midwest, no less) and now I'm working in a job where there is no hope of NOT working overnight (broadcast news), and while I'm not making a ton of money, I'm making enough that almost any job I WOULD qualify for--say, Sales Associate or Pet Counselor, for instance--would result in a severe pay cut...something I can't really afford as a married man.
I feel like I'm stuck! What do I do? There's a machine running this society, and feeds on people who go to school and get good little degrees and go on to get jobs as accountants and doctors and IT people and mechanics and physical therapists--meanwhile people like me who get worthless degrees and end up in dead-end jobs get dropped out the bottom to be trampled on. How is that fair? Nobody told me the rules. They say it's a free country (I'm in the USA here, by the way), but it's only free for those people who do what they're told. The rest of us are free to die a stain on the bottom of the treads beneath the Great Machine. Know what I'm saying?
Okay, I may be overstating things a bit. I'll go try to calm down and forget all that "stain on the treads" thing. I need a drink. Hey, how much do bartenders make?

Exactly!

steves — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 21:40:41 -0400

Thank you, that's what I've been saying all along. I've always thought that I brought a fresh perspective to being broke:) Go sister!

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

You gave me hope

Cara — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 14:50:29 -0400

Your story gave me hope.

No more than 20 minutes ago I got an email from a stuck-up jerk saying that my whopping 5 years experience isn't enough and her employees have had 25+. Well, I'm 26 so it must make them old, decrepit, dried out fogies. That's right. I said it. Well people listen here: There's a thing called "fresh perspectives" give it a try.

At least I'm not not the only one on the sinking ship. Would you like to swim to the island with me?

-I think you will enjoy my website, check out "Barbie's Older Sister" somewhat similar.

No doubt of that

rlaundry — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 09:03:44 -0400

He sure put a goofy smile on my face!

As do you, my friend. Thanks for the diversions!

Reese
====================
I never finish anyth

Yeah, but...

steves — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 01:07:13 -0400

That's very true...but you do have to admire his desire to make the world a happier place. He might not be succeeding, but he's trying:PP

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

That's just wrong...

rlaundry — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 11:01:38 -0400

Some people have WAY too much time on thier hands. Unemployed ior not. LOL!

Reese
====================
I never finish anyth

ooo

jonglass — Sun, 9 Sep 2007 02:29:57 -0400

That's brutal, man!

-Jon

That's very true

steves — Sat, 8 Sep 2007 21:04:58 -0400

I love that guy. He's proof that with the aid of the internet, anyone, regardless of lack of talent or training, can look like an escaped mental patient...and we lauded for it:P

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

I still think this guy is a

jpohl — Sat, 8 Sep 2007 19:13:21 -0400

I still think this guy is a great inspiration Steve! http://www.dailydancer.com Not sure how well he does with the advertising, but he lives near you, maybe you could ask?

You have an art degree... with your imagination how about painting?

There's a reason the arts and comedy have flourished in places almost impossible to find work. Like Newfoundland.

Don't give up.

--
www.spaceabovethecouch.com

LOL

steves — Sat, 8 Sep 2007 18:09:29 -0400

Ha ha, HA! [snort]

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

wookin ba nub in aw da wong

IT Savage — Sat, 8 Sep 2007 18:04:43 -0400

wookin ba nub in aw da wong paces
wookin ba nub

Thanks:)

steves — Sat, 8 Sep 2007 16:46:13 -0400

Thanks, it's nice to be lubbed:P

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

lol

Sara — Sat, 8 Sep 2007 16:34:52 -0400

I still lubs u Steve... {hugz}

my artwork | my blog

Ooo, zing

steves — Sat, 8 Sep 2007 16:22:17 -0400

No doobt.

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

Why Won't Anyone Hire Me?!

steves — Fri, 7 Sep 2007 19:00:22 -0400

Greetings all, Steve here. That's right, Steve's back! Happy days are here again! Not to overstate the case, but I really did miss writing this column. I had an interesting vacation though. At least, I think I did. A friend took me out for a drink and I woke up a week later to learn that I'd been elected mayor of Puerto Vallerta. Good times.

First of all, I'd like to mention some details about the upcoming big giveaway contest: It was Doug's idea and we're giving stuff away. I have no other information. Sorry, I guess that was kind of anti-climactic.

Come on, admit it: you missed me!

So I'm job-hunting. Like a crazy person, all the time, every day, job-hunting. The fear drives me. Can't seem to get an interview, but the fear continues driving me nonetheless. I don't understand it. I mean, just look at my picture. Don’t I look like the sort of person you'd want to work with?

I've been thinking for a way to describe the process of job-hunting for those who haven't done it before and I think I have it. I don't want to sound negative here, but job hunting licks cattle.

Employers demand ridiculous things: 5 years experience in database management. 3 years experience working in a communist pet store. 8 years experience screwing up your life.

I saw one ad looking for a Midnight Shunt Driver. I don't know how to drive a shunt! I don't even know what the hell that is. Doug tells me that a shunt is something that is inserted into your spinal column. Odd thing to do at night, but then again, people are very busy here.

Actually, it sounds like a bad 60's serial Western. "And now, my friends, we once again join the adventures of the Midnight Shunt Driver. [Queue bad theme music.] We see the Midnight Shunt Driver roll up to a dusty saloon in a hard luck town. The Midnight Shunt Driver slips out of the front seat and we see he's wearing a 10-gallon hat, cowboy boots and spurs and has a scar across his face. [Queue tumbleweed.] He has an electric package tracker in a holster on his belt. He strolls, slowly but purposefully, through the double swinging saloon doors and says, 'Somebody here ordered a package. [Looks slowly around the room…] Well, partner, you don’t get it… unless you sign for it. Do you think you can sign for it…punk? Do ya?'"

Actually, that sounds like a pretty cool job.. It's probably less exciting in real life though.

Job ads say the most ridiculous things, things that no sane person would ever say. "Do you have a passion for legendary service?" Oh yeah, totally. That's what my girlfriend likes about me. "Come on over here and give me some of that legendary service." Sigh.

Here's one I actually saw, no kidding: Growth company, big opportunities. Shoes Included.

You can be a sofa expert. Honestly, I think I've got that one covered.

Must be willing to operate a shovel. Nope, sorry, that's outside the scope of my belief system.

Vampire hunter wanted. Must have own stake and vehicle. French an asset.

This one is strange: An open-minded woman can earn good money to let a busy, successful businessman smell her feet. Further proof that men are dumber than unmixed concrete. Sometimes I sort of loose faith in humanity, but usually only for brief periods. I haven't yet seen one advertising for a woman to clean a man's condo in a bunny suit and swim fins while humming the M*A*S*H theme song, but I assume that it is out there. That's a little bit more niche.

Actually, this one is kinda clever. It's from a landscaping company: "We like REAL GRASS."

Oh terrific. I can be a pet counselor. What, do I try to make the dog feel better about his co-dependant relationship with the cat? Upon further investigation, is turns out that 'pet counselor' is a euphemism for 'PET STORE CLERK!" Of course not many people would sign up for a job as a PET STORE CLERK!, but they might just sign up as a pet counselor.

Employers have really put a lot of thought into how to make low-level jobs sound better. This is instead, of course, of actually making the job better, by providing better salaries, better schedules and reducing the number of whippings. As a result, you know longer have to be ashamed to tell people you're a Sales Clerk. You're now a Sales Associate, though with hard work, you could move up to being a Sales Team Leader, where they give you a new shirt. But those are not your only options. You can be a Data Entry Technician, a Lawn Maintenance Engineer or a Waste Disposal Technician. The Waste Disposal Technicians in Vancouver are currently on strike, which is making the city smell really bad in the hot Summer sun. It's so bad that it sometimes makes me want to deposit some waste on the lawn, ruining all the hard work of the Lawn Maintenance Engineer.

I have a theory that you can tell how bad a job is by how confusing and uninformative the job description is. It's true. You know a job is terrible if the company has gone out of their way to construct an ad that uses a lot of big words, but doesn't tell you anything, so that after reading a 2-page job description, you still don't know what the stinking job is. "We are a growth company committed to continually striving for and exceeding an unmatched level of excellence in every area of our business. As such, we only hire people with the same qualities and are seeking self-starting, problem-solving individuals who constantly seek to expand and enrich their on-the-job experience with new challenges and wish to enhance our expansion goal. If this sounds like you, then we want you to challenge yourself by moving into an exciting career as a Midnight Shunt Driver."

The struggle continues.

Until next time, keep your pen on the page. And for crying out loud, if anyone has a job in the Vancouver, B.C. area, contact me!

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

D*I*Y Planner - Why Won't Anyone Hire Me?! - Comments

What kind of work does your wife do ?

You said it. A while ago now, but you still said it.

Exactly!

You gave me hope

No doubt of that

Yeah, but...

That's just wrong...

ooo

That's very true

I still think this guy is a

LOL

wookin ba nub in aw da wong

Thanks:)

lol

Ooo, zing

Why Won't Anyone Hire Me?!

DIY Planner - Why Won't Anyone Hire Me?! - Comments