This brings to mind a comedy bit...

ygor — Thu, 8 Mar 2007 14:33:50 -0500

about a guy waiting in a doctor's office. He "gets" every ailment that walks in.

The punch line is when a pregnant lady walks in. :)
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"I think the surest sign that there is intelligent life out there in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." (Calvin and Hobbes/Bill Waterson)

Already happened. That was

steves — Tue, 8 Nov 2005 22:45:00 -0500

Already happened. That was last Saturday night. Shouldn't have had that third Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:)

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

you forgot one

Anonymous — Tue, 8 Nov 2005 22:28:55 -0500

You forgot Spontaneous Dentahydraplosion (for those of you who don't watch "The Office" this condition is when your teeth turn clear and run down your throat..)

Hypocondriac's Disease Checklist

steves — Fri, 4 Nov 2005 04:30:00 -0500

Greetings and welcome once again to Steve's Weekly Column of Insanity, which, quite frankly, kind of gives the game away in the title. I mean, you're not going to tune in to Steve's Weekly Column Of Insanity for help with your taxes, or painting your house or anything, are you? Anyway, it's been said and can't be unsaid. See, I'm feeling a bit disjointed lately, a little incoherent, so my apologies if this article has less than my normal quotient of cogent wisdom. I have something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. It may be serious or it may not be, but I've waited around two weeks to get into the doctor and my mind has been working overtime in the meantime, whilst I lay in bed. I think I have a bad case of Medical Student's Disease, which you get by reading about terrible diseases and then thinking that you have all of them. Yes, I've become a bit of a hypocondriac lately and it's getting me down, but I thought I'd turn my pain to good use, so I decided to come up with the Hypocondriac's Disease Checklist.

First, some interesting health news. There was an enormous amount of fuss a while back when authorities found a 'drug tunnel' going underground from British Columbia, Canada to Washington State. The tunnel was used to ship drugs into the United States. The press made a great deal of fuss over the fact that the tunnel had been built. I really didn't think that was astonishing: Americans have been coming to Canada for their drugs for some time now. What astonished me was not that the tunnel existed, but that it was straight. I mean, think about it. A bunch of drug addicts, underground for long periods of time, probably high, digging a tunnel. They're lucky the damned thing didn't come out in downtown Toronto. Seriously, can you imagine the conversation over the radios with the work crew? {Foreman}'Let's check in with Dave down below. Dave, report! What's your progress on digging the secret drug tunnel?' {Dave}'My shoes are talking to me!!' Well, maybe I'm not giving them enough credit.

Nevertheless, on to today's topic, the Hypocondriac's Disease Checklist Now, this is not an official D*I*Y Planner Template, 'cause I don't friggin' feel like it, o.k.?! Anybody got a problem with that? No?! Good. Moving right along, I've created a comprehensive list of possible diseases and you simply check off any ones you think you might have, in order to save time in the doctor's office. Imagine how impressed your doctor will be, when he or she sees all the time you've saved him or her. Well, I'm just doing my job:) So, without further ado, let's get to it:

Diabetes
Anemia
Painter's Colic
Dementia
Latent Republicanism
Insanity
Festering Ulcer
Sudden Death
Brain Fever
Burning Foot Syndrome
Rectal Bleeding
Dropsy
Poor Man's Gout
Housemaid's Knee
Bagpiper's Lung
Vampire's Overbite
Pink Eye
Yellow Fever
Purple Contusions
Brown Lung
Black Death
Rabies
Scabies
Scurvy
Rickets
Floating Uterus
The Inverse Wailing Coniptions
Echovirus 9
Blind Loop Syndrome
Ebola
Hangnail Run Rampant
Andropause
Tapeworm
Bird Flu
Goat Pox
Canine Distemper
Hog Cholera
Cattle Plague
Vesticular Stomatitis
Nontropical Sprue
Walking Around Pneumonia
The 7th Inning Whooping Diversion
Mononucleosis
The Gaelic Heebie-Jeebies
Transmissiple Encephalopathy
Kicked In The Face By A Horse Syndrome
Apoplexy
PMS
Cleptomania
Impotance
Ear Hair Overgrowth
Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome
Upset Stomach
Diphtheria
African Sleeping Sickness
Colorado Tick Fever
Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever
Epidemic Typhus
Ambulatory Plague
Leprosy
Hoof And Mouth Disease
Alimentary Osteopathy
Aortic Valve Insufficiency
Fatigue
Dry Mouth

Well, that's all I can contribute to your health this week. Until next time, keep your pen on the page and your heart rate in the target range.

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

D*I*Y Planner - Hypocondriac's Disease Checklist - Comments

This brings to mind a comedy bit...

Already happened. That was

you forgot one

Hypocondriac's Disease Checklist

DIY Planner - Hypocondriac's Disease Checklist - Comments